Tips for Receiving Unexpected/Bad News
Recently I got some news I wasn’t expecting and frankly it messes up some timelines. My initial response is always an emotional one. I recognize that and can say through a lot of punches to the face, I know that immediately responding or calling someone in that time frame rarely goes well. That knowledge alone doesn’t have the ability to quench the emotions that are rising in my mind.
I have one simple phrase I always try to say to myself: “Is this a big deal and 10 years from now, will it really matter?” The answer is almost always no and it can help put the new information into perspective.
Then I ask, what’s the benefit of this news? There is always something that can be turned into a positive. I’ll be honest, the response from me is usually a sarcastic one. I still force myself to think through the positive side as I try to think logically and constructively.
This is always easier said than done. Life comes at you fast and there are highs and lows. We can’t always affect it so instead we need to focus on what we can control, which is our own emotions. As a leader, parent, and spouse, emotions can cripple our ability to effectively communicate with others. At times, they deteriorate the dialogue and can cause others to become defensive.
Think of a time someone brought you news that you didn’t receive well. When did emotions step in and did you recognize them and adjust accordingly? For myself, I know that most of the time my emotions get the best of me and I must backtrack to repair that broken bridge of communication.
In my latest situation, I was able to push away from the desk. I grabbed my head gear and walked around for an hour and talked with members of my team about a myriad of things. I didn’t avoid the news, I tried to identify the emotion itself and what exactly was the cause. In the end, like most things, it was ego and my inability to decide the timeline for the future. Now it was time to see what steps were needed to possibly change the answer. It was through this pause and reflection that I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the worst news and that if I wanted to change the outcome I needed to solicit help and mentorship from others.
Welcome to life, it rarely goes as planned. It’s a process and on this day, I was happy that I didn’t let my emotions get the best of me. I hope you can find a way to do the same. If you get a chance, read the book Leadership: in Turbulent Times by Doris Kearns Goodwin to see how some of the greatest leaders have learned to deal with emotions or make extremely hard decisions that change the course of the world. In the book, they explore ways that these leaders were able to slow things down and think logically. If we can master ourselves and our reactions, then we can truly become a better version of ourselves.
~Mike
