Choose your Tribe
Over the years a few major themes have emerged as researchers have dived deeper into the topic of resilience. One of those major themes is that relationships and connections to other people are vital for our psychological and physical well-being. Simply put, if we want to thrive and do well in life we need other people in our lives. I think it would be too simple, or naïve, that having connections to other people is the miracle ticket to having high functioning lives. While relationships are at the heart of the equation for our thriving in life, I would argue that it is much more about the quality of the relationship than the simple existence of the relationship, or even the quantity of connections a person has.
During a recent preparation event for a rigorous testing process I had asked the more experienced members of the group who had attempted the test before to share any advice they had with the newer members of the group. The first hand went up. “Surround yourself with the right people, the people who want to be there and are putting in the work to be successful, and you will be alright,” said the leader. Several other heads nodded in agreement. Another hand went up. “I would agree with that,” the next leader started, “I’ve been to the test several times and the first couple times I tried to do it on my own, or I was with a group that was just messing around. But the last time I went, I got with a group that were asking questions during the train-up phase, that studied at night, and held each other accountable when someone started slipping up.”
How often have you seen it, or maybe lived it, where someone had all the potential in the world to do well, but they squandered it because of the people they surround themselves with. In perhaps an oversimplified perspective we can view the people we surround ourselves with as those that strengthen us and add value to our lives, and that bring weakness to our lives, and take more from us than they give. Growing up playing and coaching sports I have seen it too often where someone has the ability, and if pushed by the right people could be great, but they fall in with the complaining crowd. It’s easier to complain about the coach’s decision, or how hard the workout is, than to actually put in the work and put forth their full effort. It’s more seductive to make excuses about things outside of our control, rather than to be honest with ourselves about our lack of effort or discipline. I don’t want to give you the wrong impression that I am sitting on my high-horse and that I’m perfect in every way. There have been many times in my life where I’ve been the CEO of the complaining crowd, whether it was in a sports setting, or in a work environment. I was not fully aware of how much this impacted me until I had a coworker, who I now consider a close friend of mine, call me out on it. He didn’t pull any punches, and told me straight up the issues with how I was acting and complaining. It opened my eyes to not only the fact that I needed to change my mindset and be more in control of my thoughts, but also to be more aware of who I was letting in my close circle, who was granted the title of being a part of my tribe.
As I’ve gotten older I have been much more intentional in paying attention to who I go to for mentorship and guidance, as well as the people I choose to surround myself with on a daily basis. This is one of the reasons why I feel so blessed to have found a tribe within Always In Pursuit, where there are individuals from various backgrounds and interests coming together to create something great, all with the goal in mind of adding value to other people’s lives. During this week, I want you to reflect on the relationships you have in your life, both personally and professionally, and evaluate if they are adding value to your life, or if they are taking from you more than they are giving to you. At this point, it is all about gaining awareness, and to put a disclaimer I am not telling you to cut people out of your life or isolate yourself; all I am asking is that if we want to be in a position to thrive in life, then we need to choose our tribe wisely, and also be a tribe member that is adding value to their lives as well. For tips on how to be a leader that your tribe members deserve, take a look back on last week's blog post.
Being always in pursuit of your goals and bettering yourself is a whole lot easier, and a lot more enjoyable when we have others on the journey with us. Their presence and support help to keep us pushing to live life on the offense. I hope you all have a wonderful week.
-Daren