What if the Problem is Really You?
Do I have your attention? I hope so, because this is the toughest pill to swallow. Think about the last time you didn’t achieve something you wanted: a promotion at work, a fitness goal, or the status you’ve been striving for. What if I were to tell you that you had more control on the outcome than you think? You may be blaming outside sources. Your boss plays favorites. COVID messed up your plans. It’s easy to point fingers away from us. It is a hell of a lot harder to take a look at the mirror, strip off our pride and ego and ask ourselves honestly, did I choose to show up and give it everything I had? Did I choose to work my butt off for this? Or did I just choose to want it, but not put in the time to earn it?
I am not here trying to make you feel bad about yourself and live in guilt. I am not innocent in this type of thinking. I am here to help you learn from yours and my mistakes to regain control over your life.
Let me share a story with you to illustrate what this type of looking looks like. It’s 2008 in the heat of an Iowa summer and I’m on my way to Morningside College, now known as Morningside University, for preseason for my first year with the Men’s Soccer team. Our head coach, Tom Maxon, hands out little books that are titled “The Daily Habits,” and one of the first pages has an excerpt from Jim Collins’ Good to Great about if you’re getting on the bus this year? In my 18 year old mind it was a silly question. Of course I am, I showed up didn’t I? Flash forward to 2011 as I am finishing up my last semester of school, and I am reflecting back on my journey through college. Academically I flourished and succeeded on several fronts, but athletically, I cannot say the same. I blamed Coach Maxon for overlooking what he had sitting right in front of him. I blamed my teammates for not helping me. I blamed my poor genetics for not letting me taller, stronger, and faster. I was grateful for the time spent with that team, but bitter that I didn’t get more out of it. It wasn’t until years later that I was able to peel the ego protecting my core and be honest with myself about why I didn’t achieve what I wanted during my time on the team. I didn’t work hard enough in the off season to improve my fitness; I prioritized traveling to see friends and relationships over practices and supporting my teammates playing on the weekends. I didn’t ask teammates to go to the gym or field to help improve on skills and tactics. I didn’t control my emotions. I didn’t let myself show up mentally ready for practices and games. Instead, I made excuses.
As I reflect on my shortcomings I am grateful for this experience of failing, and I hope you can have the same level of understanding over your shortcomings as well. When we fail, we have an opportunity to learn and grow. To adapt and change. I know what it feels like to look back and wish I had done more, and so now when I approach events in life, I do my best to make the choice to fully show up every day. To choose to put the work in to earn what it is that I am striving for. My question for you this week is, are you willing to do the same? To make the honest effort to choose to put in the effort to succeed? To choose to embrace the grind day in and day out? Are you willing to choose to be honest with yourself, and stop making excuses?
~Daren
