There Is No Such Thing As A Stupid Question: A Call for Confidence and Trust

There is a phrase that I have heard more than once this last week that makes my skin crawl like hearing nails on a chalkboard. “Can I ask you a stupid question?” The phrasing of this question makes my skin crawl for a few reasons. Having to preface a question as “stupid” relays that there is potentially a breakdown to some degree in trust and psychological safety present within the relationship or workplace. It could also be communicating a lack of self-confidence in the person asking the question . They truly might not know the answer or the direction to go in and rather than being able to be honest about this, they feel the need to put up protective barriers around their ego by framing it as a “stupid question.” So, can you ask me if you can ask me a stupid question? No. You may not ask me a stupid question. You can ask me a question and I will happily discuss answers with you.

I want to break this idea down in two different ways: from the person asking the question or question asker and from a leadership/culture development perspective. Communication is a two-way street and requires all active parties to be willing to maintain strong and healthy channels of communication. 

Let’s first explore the question asker’s perspective. This may seem like a weird thought but asking a question may be one of the most self-assured and confident things a person can do. Asking for clarification, direction, or help takes a level of vulnerability to admit you don’t have all the answers and need assistance from someone else. For some, this is extremely challenging because  letting down emotional guards and letting someone else view them as less than perfect is uncomfortable. We can think of this as ego protection. If I never ask a question, you can never see how much I really don’t know. Being willing to be vulnerable with another person or a group of people takes humility and true self-confidence. Those are two words you don’t often see in the same sentence but they are more intertwined than we think. Self-confidence is a belief in one’s ability to be successful at a task as well as knowing one’s limits and areas for improvement. Humility is being able to understand that we are not the greatest thing to ever exist on planet Earth and that we need help from time to time to improve. When we add a self-deprecating preface on our questions with words like obvious, stupid, or silly, we undercut our own personal strength in asking a question. So for the question askers of the world, own it! Show your strength and confidence and ask away with pride and confidence. 

The question asker is only one piece of the formula for the equation of communication in an organization/family/relationship. There are so many different ways we could dissect the perspective of the responder but for today, I want to focus on the leadership perspective. Leaders set the tone for their organizations and are the determining factor for what is deemed as acceptable and unacceptable. This means leaders either consciously or unconsciously are creating an environment that either invites their subordinates to ask questions or stigmatizes asking for help by labeling it a nuisance or a sign of weakness. While many don’t wake up and choose to stigmatize a behavior, it can still show up in how we respond to peoples’ questions or how we treat people we perceive to know less than us. There are a lot of ways we can mess up and it wouldn't do us much good to spend hours looking at each one of the ways. Let’s instead put our focus on how to do this right. 

First, we’ve already established that the leader sets the tone for the organization. This means the leader can make it a priority to foster an environment where vulnerability and collaboration are valuable attributes. Leaders can do this by modeling these behaviors for their subordinates by being transparent about their lack of knowledge in certain areas or their need for support to meet an upcoming deadline. This sends the message that it’s okay to not have all the answers and that as a team, we support each other by filling in any gaps that may exist. This also normalizes that learning and growing is part of the organization and that no one is expected to know everything (especially if the boss doesn’t). 

Second, leaders can shift the way they ask for questions. I’ve sat through too many meetings that have ended with the leader asking, “okay, anyone have any questions? No. Okay, then see you later.” Leaving questions for the end of a meeting can stigmatize asking questions. No one wants to be the reason everyone has to stay longer or feel that they are now being judged by others for asking a question. Inviting questions to be asked during the meeting helps to break that stigma and helps normalize that it is okay to ask questions. The words we use to ask questions are also important. Rather than using broad statements like, “any questions?”, we can use more specific questions to help our subordinates focus on the key areas we want to make sure they have a strong understanding of. For example, “how are we feeling about the strategy to boost our production numbers for next quarter? Are there any questions about the changes being made to the manning hours on the production floor?” By asking a more specific question, we have now invited them to ask direct questions or to share how they are feeling about the changes. This helps to spark discussion to help either clarify changes or ease concerns in an open forum rather than people feeling alone in their confusion or frustration. 

Lastly, organizations get what they tolerate. This means if organizations and leaders tolerate people putting themselves down by asking “stupid questions”, then that’s not only the type of questions they are going to get but also the morale and culture they are allowing to exist. If a leader wants strong and confident subordinates that are comfortable and happy at work, then help them to treat themselves as such. So the next time someone asks if they can ask a stupid question, politely tell them no. They can ask you a question and you would be happy to discuss the answers with them. 

This can be a challenging endeavor to fight back against your fears of being judged for asking a question or to create a culture to be more open and receptive to questions. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. The Always in Pursuit team is happy to help and would love to hear from you in the comments sections on whatever platform you are using to share your experiences and questions. We are here for you and are happy to discuss answers with you. I hope you have a great week. Stay strong in your pursuits of excellence! 

-Daren