Family Friendly Leaders
Leaders in the Army often speak of the importance of a Soldier’s family. Rightly so because families are the backbone of our support system. Family members often run the errands, do the household work, take care of the kids, and ensure their Soldier is taken care of in the evenings. They are waiting at home for their loved ones to return at the end of the workday, a field exercise, or a deployment.
Picking up and moving every few years can take a toll on a family. The uncertainty of job prospects, what neighborhood to live in, what school to send the children to, and the loss of the support system that took a couple of years to build weigh heavily on the mind. However, family members are often the most neglected people.
I have witnessed individuals forced to attend training exercises within days of coming into the unit. I have seen individuals forced to attend training exercises weeks before moving on to the next duty station. I have also witnessed how detrimental to not have a good sponsor to help families integrate into the new community.
For all the leaders preaching about taking care of families, I have found many only pay these words lip service. Because of my job, I speak to family members of Soldiers stationed here in Europe. I have talked with leadership across multiple units to understand how we can better serve our subordinates and their families. Here is what I found.
In several organizations, families are an afterthought. Yes, the mission is essential, but a Soldier that spends their time worrying about their family’s well being while trying to execute their mission is too distracted to give you all their effort. How well would you function if your family did not settle in properly, and now, you’re required to leave them for a few months while they try to figure it all out in a new place?
The support groups within units that are supposed to exist to support families do not exist in some places. Priorities lie elsewhere for those in charge. I am not saying it is their fault because they have bosses who have priorities. Unfortunately, those bosses assume that all is well because no one brings the issues to light. Sadly, other than catastrophic failure, those issues will remain in the dark.
I cannot presume to know all the issues in every organization. I speak of things that I have personally witnessed, and families often are the last in line. To be a loving leader, you need to learn that a Soldier’s support system also requires time and attention to get them off the ground. Perhaps some families cope better than others. There is no one size fits all solution to this challenge. The more you allow your subordinates to take care of their loved ones, the more buy-in and trust you will build when you need them most. To neglect the family is to fail your subordinate.
~Rey