Defining Love
Defining Love
Have you ever been to a wedding that didn’t use the biblical definition of love that Paul outlines in 1st Corinthians 13? Every time I hear this at a wedding, I can feel myself wanting to roll my eyes, sigh, and tune out—as if I was paying close attention anyway, but that’s not the point here.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I laid out the definition because it is important that you know what I mean by love. As I share more stories with you about how love applies to life and leading, you can always refer back to all of 1 Corinthians 13 to refresh yourself on the definition.
As you might have already guessed, the definition does not only apply to lovers who are ready to spend the rest of their lives together - it applies to both you and me as leaders!
For some of you, these attributes may be things that you have applied to leadership for a long time. For others, you practice some of these things, but not all. If you’re not practicing any of these, you need to get on board if you want buy-in from your team! I’m not telling you that you need to be perfect at any of these, because I don’t believe any of us can ever live up to that standard. We all fail at one point or another, but if you’re loving people, they will reciprocate that love and lift you up.
So, what does this look like from a practical standpoint? One of the ways that I use the definition is by replacing the word “love” with “I.” I am patient and kind; I do not envy or boast; I am not arrogant or rude…you get the point. Can you say with honesty that you live up to all these attributes?
I will admit I have fallen desperately short on many occasions, and I still do. It’s hard to live up to this standard, but that should not discourage us as leaders from trying. If we are not in pursuit of being better for members of our team and making them better, then what is the point of being a leader? Is it to seek promotion and be well-liked by our bosses?
When I was a Sergeant First Class, I was absolutely obsessed with getting promoted. My life revolved around my work. I was mostly practicing what I preached in terms of being a loving leader at work, but I dedicated so much time to my work that I neglected the people outside of work that I was supposed to love and lead. Of course, it did not occur to me for a few years that I was neglecting one of the most important relationships of my life; my marriage.
I wasn’t practicing all the principles of love with my wife, and it showed. I was not as patient or kind with my time as I should have been in the relationship. On top of that, I boasted about how much I worked - as if I was going to be rewarded for the extra hours. After all, serving as a First Sergeant was the one goal in the Army that I wanted to accomplish, and nothing was going to stop me.
When I reflect on it now, I can see that staying late at work never made the difference. In fact, I don’t even remember why I stayed so late on so many days. More importantly, I was being a hypocrite and not loving people outside of work like I told others to do. I should have spent time cultivating my own relationships outside of work, so I could be the embodiment of a loving leader outside of work.
If you find yourself not living the definition of love, it’s never too late to start. Don’t neglect your relationships inside or outside of work. Be patient and be kind - don’t be the rude, irritable, or resentful “leader.” No one wants to follow that person. Pursue love and lead others in the way of love. You won’t regret it!
~Rey