Why Does Connection Matter?
One of the recurring themes you will see throughout this blog is connecting with other people and how it matters. As a leader and person, I have done many things to isolate myself from those around me. I have every excuse in the book why people just won’t understand me and how I work better by myself. The problem with that is, it’s a lie!
Let me point you to some facts on human connection in the modern age. The National Review reports that “the percentage of men with at least six close friends fell by half since 1990, from 55 percent to 27 percent.” An even more alarming issue is the number of men that didn’t have any close friendships went from 3 percent to 15 percent in the same timeframe.
I’m highlighting males for a reason: 1. They make up the majority population (about 75%) in the military. 2. The preponderance of junior enlisted males at any given duty station live in the barracks and do not have family in the immediate area. 3. The study also concluded that women were better at forging and maintaining friendships and relationships.
Pretty alarming numbers, aren’t they? When we think about this from a leadership perspective, it tells us that support networks outside the work environment are dwindling. As a leader, I worry about this trend because if my team members don’t have people to love and support them outside of work, no one is looking out for them, ultimately leading people to believe that they are out there on their own. This isolation can cause depression, suicidal thoughts, and other high-risk behaviors such as drinking alcohol and partaking in drugs. Sure, a family might take up some of the slack, but, again, in the military profession, most of us are not near our families.
Further, as Andrew Przybylski and Netta Weinstein’s (2012) article in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships points out, just the presence of a cell phone disrupts the connection between two people, which led to a reduction of feelings in empathy, trust, and a sense of closeness. The study also found that emotional connectivity amongst strangers was significantly reduced if a cell phone was visible. To add to the issue of disconnection, according to studies cited by the Center for Humane Technology’s Ledger of Harms, “89 percent of cell phone users admit to using their phones during their last social gathering.” The study also found that 82 percent thought it was okay to read texts and emails, and 75 percent thought it was okay to send texts and emails.
So, what does this mean for us as leaders? How many times are we guilty of conversing with other people at work and you decide to check your messages or accept a phone call? I can look back on my time as a First Sergeant when I had Soldiers in my office having a conversation, and I had my cell phone on my desk waiting for messages and phone calls. I’m even guilty of responding to the messages or taking phone calls while they were talking! I had no idea that I was disrupting the connection I was trying to make with others.
You might be asking yourself, what do you want me to do about it? What if my boss needs something urgently? What if I’m missing a more pressing issue? Let me just tell you that when I have been in leadership positions, there are not many things more pressing than taking a little bit of time to connect and care for the people you interact with daily and weekly. Building these connections lets them know that you, as a leader, love and respect them enough to make them the center of your attention.
I want to put out a challenge to all of you this week. Put your mobile device away and on silent for a time and have a meaningful conversation with the people around you. Show people your willingness to connect with them. Make them feel like they are the most important person when you are talking to them. You might be the only person they have felt connected with in quite some time; don’t let them down.
~Rey