What if You’re Wrong?
Those words spur anxiety in each of us and we automatically take a defensive stance; weapons manned and ready to defend our position. In a sense we are wrong. Our perception of reality is unique to us, therefore we could be creating a bias we do not even recognize. With that logic, we are wrong in every argument we’ve ever had. To be fair, using that same dialogue means that the other party was wrong as well.
Add in emotions normally associated and it’s easy to recognize that we are in fact confirming our own bias continuously. When a sound point is made on the other side, the more our mind searches for reasons we are right and just. We could add even more tension to this by saying in a heated moment the worst person to think logically is ourselves. More emotions mean less ration and judgement will fail. Hence why sayings like exist:
“Tempers are temporary, but hateful and hurtful words can be remembered forever,
leave a legacy of love and say only kind things”- Jarod Kintz.
Quotes like that come from someone who has either gotten it wrong a lot, or been wronged; likely both. We’ve all had those moments where there is silence after words leave our mouths and we are all shocked at the content, wishing we could travel back in time and never let them escape our mouths.
Now that we all feel at an all time low and are recalling these terrible moments, let's talk about the future. We can’t change the past, only focus on a better, clear, and more positive path into the future.
When an argument starts, simply saying: “what if I’m the one that is wrong here?” can be helpful. Another aspect to think about is ‘ what’ am I really trying to communicate? Is the goal to be right or do I have something that I want someone else to understand? Likely it’s a feeling, someone has said something that spurred an emotion inside us and now the argument is brewing because we didn’t like it. Either because of the truth it bears, or it’s offensive and maybe it highlights an insecurity buried within us.
So how do we combat this, how do we shift from being emotional, vengeful, or trying to win at all costs? We don’t, really, we are humans and while we are animals to our core, we are also ones that lineage has evolved by our ability to survive. The best we can do is realize that we have emotions, they cloud our judgement and put us in a position of disadvantage.
We need to ask questions instead of making counterpoints; of ourselves and the other party, simply saying what do we want to accomplish with this conversation and how can we get there without us shooting words at one another? Is there miscommunication here? Take the stance that it's probably because of our own failure. Lastly, give one another the benefit of the doubt as we are all human, have errors and will make mistakes. So, when something is said that instantly cues our defense, ask them to provide details or reword.
Lastly a book, one that I really picked apart that opened my mind to how and why we think/act the way we do as humans. Elephant in the Brain by Kevin Simler and Robin Hanson. Be warned it will dive into some aspects that can be difficult to swallow. If you read it from a position of self-improvement though, you will come away with a new understanding of how your mind works and why we do some of the things we do. Our own mind can deceive us, recognizing the signals can help us overcome it so that we are not feeding our own bias. I recommend you read it slowly, let the chapters sink in for a couple days. See if you can recognize the cues discussed before moving onto the next chapter.
We all want to do and be better, that is my belief. To do this we need to focus on ourselves.
“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do”-Mahatma Gandhi
This is the actual quote that many people missight as “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Either way it is words worth heeding.
