Failure as a Building Block
I’m going to elaborate on a story for you because it is essential to the message.
A couple of weeks ago, I applied for a job that would allow me to research and write about US policies. I was ecstatic at the thought of doing something aside from my master’s degree in International Relations; something that was so far out of the realm of what I have been doing for the entirety of my Army career. Then, I got an email about how impressed they were with my resume and wanted to conduct further interviews. Now it was starting to sink in that this was a massive opportunity for me and I didn’t want to mess it up. I set up the meeting, and to my delight, we had a great conversation and I was asked to come up with an article proposal!
Then, doubt started to set in my mind. What if I wasn’t good enough? Surely, they know based on my resume that I haven’t done any type of journalism. What if my proposal fell flat? Will they change their minds about wanting me on the team? I was going down the road that I had been on so many times in the past. Imposter syndrome is something I have struggled with for a very long time.
Immediately, I sought God and prayed for clarity. I needed to get these counterproductive thoughts out of my head. Then, I listened to the Lions Guide Podcast with Mike Burke as the guest. The message prompted me to reply to the post on LinkedIn to let Mike know how much I needed to hear the podcast at that moment. Shortly after, Mike reached out to me via Messenger to check in on me and ask if everything was going well. I told him what was going on and how I was feeling about the whole situation. He couldn’t have been more encouraging!
So, I wrote out an article proposal and sent it in. I was feeling great about it because my topics were important. My questions would require a lot of research, and I knew it would be difficult, but I wanted to give my best effort because of the faith placed in me. Then, I got an email back saying that we should discuss the topic. When we did, I felt like a failure because I proposed a massive project. I was advised to scale it back and take a more simplistic approach for my first article. My heart sank. “I blew it.” This was my shot, and I messed it up. I thanked him for the advice and for being patient. Then I apologized.
To my surprise, he said, “You don’t need to thank me for being patient. This is part of the process. This is how it’s supposed to go.” I had no idea! In my mind, this was a matter of pass or fail. As I reflected on this whole process, something struck me. I am this way because so many leaders across the Army, knowingly or not, planted the idea in my head that failure was not an option; that sent me down the rabbit hole. Did I ever make my subordinates feel like failure was not an option? Did I stifle growth as a result? Did my team play it safe to ensure success so that I would stay off their backs? The answer is yes.
For all of you leaders out there that want your people to succeed, THEY WILL FAIL SOMETIMES, AND THAT’S PERFECTLY FINE! We say nobody is perfect because it’s the truth. If you expect success every time you give members of your team a task, you can bet that they will play it safe and not take any risks. This doesn’t help them develop the critical thinking skills that they will need in the future. We as leaders need to stop hampering the development of our subordinates by expecting everything to go right all the time and reprimanding people when it doesn’t. They are not failing us; we are failing them.
As always, take time to reflect on this. If you are guilty of expecting success immediately, as I did, let your team know that it’s okay to fail sometimes. Instead of discouragement, make it an opportunity to encourage and build them up like Mike did for me. Building each other up, after all, is one of the ways of love.
~Rey