A Letter From my Younger Self

A Letter From my Younger Self

This week, I received a letter from myself that I had written 10 years ago. It was an exercise that I had to accomplish during a course at Morningside College (now known as Morningside University). My letter to myself was accompanied with a note from my old college professor reminding me of what the assignment was and how he hoped the letter sparked some reflection on how the past 10 years have gone compared to how my younger self expected it to go. I waited to read my letter until I was back in my office where I could focus my full attention on reading the words from my former self. I placed the letter back in the envelope and started my walk across the post back to my office. My mind was wandering through the endless possibilities of what I could have written in this letter. Did I check the block and put down a phoned-in response? Did I take it seriously and really try to predict my future? 

I got back to my office and slowly opened the envelope to take out my letter to myself and I want to share the letter with you before I share my reflections.

Dear Daren of the future (10 years), 

I hope things are well for you and I hope you have remained in good health both mentally and physically. The first 21 years have been a journey and I can only imagine what life has brought your way in a decade. Are you still playing disc golf? Video games? I hope the real world hasn’t jaded you to not having fun anymore. I hope graduate school for psychology wasn’t too much of a pain in the ass (even though everyone told you horror stories about how intense and brutal it can be). I really hope you stuck through it and finished it out. I know how many people were pulling for you to do well. I really don’t know what profession you are in now because I have not thought one up for you yet, but I hope you followed your instincts and found something that makes you love going to work each and every day. My guess is you are going to become some snooty psychology teacher who finds joy in having the hardest exams and then curving them secretly so the students don’t know. I could see it. 

Are you married now? Pets?...Children?! How is mom and dad? Derek? I hope all of them are well.

I really do hope you continued to pursue psychology and got through grad school. Whether you are working in the field of sport psychology or teaching, either way I am happy for you and I hope you did follow what made you happy. 

May the force be with you,

Daren from the past

As I finished reading the letter, I had an overwhelming flood of emotions. First, it was really cool to reminisce on my time spent in college and put myself back in that mindset. It was a different time and given the struggles we have had over the years, it feels like a lifetime away. Second, I made it come true. I graduated from grad school with a master’s degree in Sports and Performance Psychology and now work as a sort-of snooty psychology teacher. Working as a mental skills coach for the military is 100% a job I love showing up for each and every day. It still feels surreal at times to wake myself up to the fact that I get to teach Soldiers on a daily basis how to better their personal and professional lives by using the tenets of resilience and performance psychology skills. 

If I had asked my younger self if I thought it was possible to feel so fulfilled in life I probably would have answered with, “maybe for some, but I am not sure it is possible for me.” But here I am 10 years later, and while life has its struggles and challenges, I am so grateful for the life I have forged and the people I have in my life that are still pulling for me to do well. I know for a fact I have not always viewed life through this lens and I think that is an important lesson I learned in my reflection. For myself, I often get lost in the weeds and get frustrated that it feels like life isn’t going in the direction I want it to. But this is a short sighted view on life and this is an important reminder to zoom out at times and look at our life progress through a big picture lens. I may be frustrated at how I handled a tough conversation I had last night, but if I zoom out I can see that years ago I would have just avoided having the conversation and that even having the conversation is a huge step in life. 

Another thought that this letter brought on for me was that I have at times let life jade me to the point that I stop having fun. Life can be heavy at times and I found myself trying to solve every problem to make it go easier for myself and others around me. This became overwhelming and started to change me as a person. It took a long time for me to stop trying to control everything in my environment. It is still a struggle, especially with my children, but it is a process that I am actively working on to let things be and control only what I can in a given moment. I actively choose to focus on only what I can control because I’ve felt the overwhelming frustration and stress of trying to control everything and I didn’t like who it made me become. I want to be the happy and fun version of myself and I hope you want to be that version of yourself as well. A way to regain that version of yourself is to stop trying to control the things in life we cannot control despite how much we would want to. 

While work has been deeply impactful for me, it is not the force that has led me to a better place in life. That honor is reserved for my family that loves me despite my faults and shortcomings. My wife Sophia has pushed me day in and day out to be a better version of myself. She calls me on my crap. She loves me even on my worst days. It’s because of her support that I have been able to fully commit to not taking life so seriously or trying to control everything. She has also blessed me with three beautiful children. My children have also pushed me to discover things I never even knew about myself. I would be a shell of myself without them and I am thankful for the realization that this letter brought me. My family is my rock and my foundation for everything I do in life. Everything I do in life and attempt to accomplish is in service to them to provide them a nice life and an example to follow on how to live a life trying to be a good human being. 

During this week I would push you to stop and zoom out on your life and do a big picture reflection on where you were 5 or 10 years ago and see how far you’ve come since then. What changes have you made? What have you accomplished? What have you learned? What mistakes have you made? What did you learn from your mistakes? What do you want out of your next decade in life? In order to remain always in pursuit in life, we need to know where we came from and where we want to go. Living life on the offense means learning from our past and looking forward to our future. Have a wonderful week. 

–Daren